No More Chemo

I've finished my Chemo and I'm shocked to the effect on how just one Chemo cause such a reaction out of me. Each one felt like a year was taken out of me. Though I pulled out fairly strong it was REALLY hard to deal with. Something I wish NO ONE to ever go through. I was fairly lucky that I didn't have to do more than one session once a month. I couldn't imagine having to go through multiple times. It literally feels like you're dying every time you have Chemo. That's basically how it feels. The after effects are horrific really. Each treatment has had it's different side effects and yet similar at the same time.

You have your staples like nausea, fatique, sores, memory loss, etc but each are in varying degrees. It's strange really. For instance the first Chemo I had Sever nausea, fatigue was minimal. The second Fatigue was sever, and nausea wasn't so bad. One thing that did happen that I was shocked was my grumpiness. I really didn't want to hang out or talk to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. I think it was because I was so weak and I didn't want anyone to really know how weak I really was. I suppose it's an animal instinct to do is to hide when you're sick. I forced myself to socialize really. I knew it wasn't good for me to hide so often. So each time I went to Chemo I REALLY didn't want to go back and seriously considering NEVER going back again. All except for the last one. The last one I knew it was the last one so I was JUST so happy I didn't have to do this EVER again. The nurses all tried to make my stay comfortable and enjoyable but even the cheeriness of the staff didn't make it stay any better really. If you remember of my eariler Bloggs I had problems with the extreme happiness of people...WELL with Chemo there is certainly a better idea WHY these people are so happy. They have to be.

Michigan

could you believe shortly after my fourth Chemo I went to Michigan for a family trip?!

ME

Shadow of me while going to my fourth Chemo.

Spring

Only so many pictures you can take of yourself...so, in the spring with the blosoms came about I saw all these beautiful flowers that brought me joy during my chemo.

More word association

Just more words :)

Word Association

I had this wonderful idea with word associations however, the idea fizzled out since it's hard for me to talk, meet, and socialize with people while being sick. I might pick it up again for after I am better to see what people's reactions are...

Third Photo Shoot

SMILES



Pick a Fight



Bashful



PONDERING



PUTT EM UP


These are images that were done before my Chemo.

Second Modeling session

These were taken shortly after my surgery...I was in a noticable large amount of pain where I KLEO took it upon himself to come to my house for our second shoot. We didn't take too many photos because I was exhausted and in pain...

First Modeling session

When documenting a project it's hard to take pictures of yourself all the time in a unbias way. So, sometimes it takes another artist to capture the moment. I chose KLEO to help my with my project because for some reason he's able, in my opinion, to capture the moment in all of his models. If you would like to view is other works or to purchase a print please contact him directly at www.mirthandbeauty.com

Follow up

Not alot to do while you wait for your appointment...so you sit and wait...

two days after

I got out of the hospital two days after surgery...the time I spent there felt like an eternity. I spent time sleeping, being drugged up and taking photos. The woman that was my roomate...GOOD GREIF, she was horrible. Complained about everything that happened...She was recovering from Breast cancer and was at the end of her journey. Meanest person I have ever met. SO, I tried to ignore her as I was recovering. She might have thought I was nuts since I was taking alot of pictures.

Post OP

you would never know how much pain I was in in looking at these photos. I was on an incredible amount of painkillers at the time and I still felt the pain. WOW, it was rather incredible. During this time I realized how much pain I was in and for the first time I realized I wasn't going to go to school the next day...YEAH for real that's what I thought. So I called my friend Jen and asked her to talk to my professor to let him know I wasn't going to go to school...AN HOUR after I woke up from surgery!! She thought I was nuts and to this day we laugh about it.

Waiting

I'm just waiting for surgery...Although I was an hour late for my appointment they weren't ready for me anyway. My wait time was an hour an half after I arrived at the hospital. SO, I took pictures...Starving and taking pictures...