For all accounts I should be happy and in good spirits but for some reason I can't seem to see things as happy. I'm desperately trying to find reasons to smile, to feel, to be happy...but I can't seem to pull myself out of it. I have love, family, purpose however, I feel really empty. I wonder if this has something to do with my medication or with the after effects of cancer recovery.
The anniversary of my mother's death is coming up, Robert, thinks that perhaps that's one of the reasons why I'm so sad. But for the last 17 years since my mother has past I have been able to reconcile with the thought of her death when it has been brought to my attention. Looking at the number 17 years...wow, I can't believe it's been that long since I last saw my mother alive...Although I miss her and am sad without her...I'm ok with her not being here. It's always difficult to not have her around however, I don't think it's the root.
I've let the hospital know about my depression along with a whole slue of issues I have and so I'll have an appointment with them and see what they have to say. In the mean time I'll continue living feeling empty.
