Hair Loss

So, after the first cycle of Chemo, I thought I was ok with the thought of losing my hair until that fateful day where I actually started loosing my hair. First cycle of Chemo was interesting ride, I went to school, slept, and visited some friends during this time. I had very little to do with actually spending time doing fun things outside my home when new friends of mine, Jeff and Laura, decided to ask me out to the theater and dinner. During the dinner they saw I had cut my hair really short...they were suprised and I was very self conscienous about my hair since it had already started to come out.

At first it was just falling out, small pieces here and there, nothing significant. My head started to hurt. At first it was just a funny feeling and then it felt like pins and needles stabbing my head. My hair felt funny like forever oily and nothing I could do could keep it clean. The shower was a horrific experience since every time I washed my hair, that is when the hair loss was more and more prevailant. The worse part of it is when you go out with people...even though they don't really know it, you're really self consciencous about the hair loss in thier car, home, ore whatever...it's the horrifice feeling that you'll get someone brushing your clothing and it's not dandriff but your hair thier brushing off. But then more and more started to come out without the shower...The night that I went to dinner with my friends was when the first CLUMP of hair came out.

I returned home after a wonderful evening and I sat at my desk. Jeff signed on and we started chatting about the evening when suddenly my head itched , when I went to scratch the area a HUGE clump of hair came out. I gotta say I did not react well. I ran to my sister's room and said to her it has to come off now...She looked at me like I was crazy and tried to calm me down. I basically wasn't listening to her and told her it comes out now with or without your help...My step mother tried talking me out of shaving my head...

My step mother started crying..."I can't shave your head, it's the night before easter..." was her excuse.

I was so determined to shave my head I took the buzzard and sat infront of a mirror. My step mother was begging me to wait until My brother or Father woke up the next day to help me shave my head but, I wasn't having it. IT HAD TO COME OFF. So my sister said OK, I'll help...

As she started she absolutely had no idea what she was doing...my step mother was SOO upset...and finally said OK, she needed to step in since Caryn was struggling so hard to do it correctly...SOMEHOW they made me compromise and just use a #2 gard and keep my bangs...BUT, within two weeks I shaved my head completely by myself infront of a mirror...it was just too physically painful, emotionally, and it was comming out in clumps anyway at that point.