Silence

Well, lets see this is the third day since Caryn's blow up and the second since I last spoke to her. I don't feel that I need to say anything to her. Why should I. I didn't abandon her, I didn't say nasty things to her. I didn't blow up on her.

I think the worse thing I did was tell her I didn't want to live and Chemo and that nasty tea was for the family and not for me. OH, and to stop yelling at me. I didn't need the stress. I don't need people yelling at me. And I certainly don't need people talking about be behind my back...YES, I heard her talking about me to my step mom when she thought I wasn't there.

Honestly I have no idea what her problem is and she really needs to apologise. How am I not appreciative? I've said nothing but nice things about her here, aside from the last blog, and most people don't know how much I talk to her thanking her not to mention that I basically paid for her plane ticket to Seattle. Everytime we have a "gift giving" thing, like christmas or birthdays I always think of what I can give Caryn first, something she needs, something she wants.

This whole thing hurts me more than anything because she's seen the pain I went through, she's been with me every step of the way and for her to treat me like I have a choice in being sick. I hate being sick, I hate not being able to pass that damn police exam, I hate feeling like an envilid.